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McBain1975
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Topic: %$$#% ventPosted: 12/01/06 at 4:46pm |
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Sour mood, need to vent. And I had today off too. Got up at 5 a.m. in a raging snowstorm to take the new puppy out to pee. Puppy sniffed around, didn't pee. Got pissed. Took puppy inside. Puppy promply pissed on the floor. Went back to bed. 5:15 a.m., puppy yelping because it apparently "misses" me. Forced to go downstairs from my warm bed to puppy and sit on the couch when it curls up in a ball next to me and goes to sleep. Noticed a pile of crap on the floor near the TV. 8 a.m. Woke up on the couch to a puppy whinning because what I believed was bladder pains. Took said puppy outside. The raging freaking blizzard had dumped at least 10 inches since 5 a.m. Puppy sniffed around, looked at me and yelped, no piss. Got mad again. Took puppy inside where, you guessed it, it promply pissed. 8:30 am. cleaned up piss and crap messes, while puppy snored on couch. Went back to bed, on the couch. 10 a.m., Woke to a puppy licking my face. Once awake puppy ran to the door wanting to go out. After several unclean words from my mouth, I put on my boots and headed out into the even worse blizzard - now it was over 1.5 feet of white crap on the ground - and took the puppy out. Hallefreakingluyah ... it took a crap. No piss though. Went inside. Puppy pissed. And so on and so on and so on ... 5 p.m. picked up 2 year old daughter from day care. got home to a puddle of piss in the living room and an excited puppy jumping and licking the daughter in the face. 6 p.m. wife gets home from work. Finally I can relax? No. She wants to go for a run cause her day was "so stessful." 6:30 p.m. daughter has a tantrum, puppy takes a piss, cat almost tripps me, dinner boils over and phone rings ... all. at. the. same. time. 7 p.m. Wife comes home. Notices my strange "psychotic" look and backs away slowly. Takes the dog out to pee for me. Dog doesn't pee. Not even in the house. Instead the damn thing curls up on the wife's lap when she sits on the couch and goes to sleep. She says it is because she has established she is the alpha dog in the house. 8 p.m. I start drinking again after a year break. Still freaking snowing outside. My car is no longer noticable in the drive and looks like a snowbank. 10 p.m. Time to take the dog out again. Decide to get rid of the dog ASAP. Anyone want a beagle? Please save me. |
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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katmills2005
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Joined: 10/09/06 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: 12/01/06 at 5:14pm |
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Nope, I took in a stray tonight.... cleaned up piddle several times today already.
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Tim
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Joined: 8/29/04 Location: Kiribati Status: Offline Points: 270 |
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Posted: 12/01/06 at 5:44pm |
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I don't generally laugh at other people's pain, but omIfreakingawd, that is soooooo much a Second City skit I was friggin rolling.
I am so glad I live at the Mason/Dixon line and my dog is fully grown.I suggest that you drink so heavily that you are unable to move for three days and let the wife take care of the puppy for a while. It sounds like you've done your duty (as well as the puppy's ) |
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"Remember, you don't take respect, you can only give it." Myles Wetzel-Forum post 10/2/07
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big MAC
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Posted: 12/01/06 at 6:53pm |
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At least you started drinking. Mind if I ask what drink it was?
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Neil B
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Joined: 11/29/04 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 29 |
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 12:10am |
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Oh man !!! funny story.
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Valenti
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 2:29am |
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I used to do that with my first dog...every time she wanted to go out I would take her out and wait for her to piss...Now I have a 200' square fenced in back yard...I open the door and say c-ya and both dogs go and do what ever business they have to do ,while I sit in my living room and flip through the channels...I used to bundle up and have to put boots on in the winter...first time I let them outside in the middle of the night in a pair of shorts ,,,I was like, this is the life!
I feel for ya...fake an injury and make the wife do it,,,thats what they are there for. |
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"All you need in this life is a tremendous sex drive and a great ego...brains don't mean sh!t"
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Snider
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 3:10am |
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am wondering... how did your wife go for a run in 1.5 feet of snow? funny story.. fun thing is my new puppy will be ready for pick up Dec 22. not looking forward to cleaning up piss and poop.. since I have a 2 month old daughter she does plenty of that.. |
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gruntz
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 6:19am |
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In times like yours I thank god I have my own wegiht room in my basement.. pop a little bit of spike. go down stairs. Turn on some Ramstein and do deads with loose plates in till the metal choir dronws out the pain in my head.
Still that was pretty funny |
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The dead lift-my preferred tool to self enlighten... self destruction
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JGarrick
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Joined: 8/29/04 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 92 |
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 8:52am |
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Laughing My Ass Off.....although it is good to see I'm not the only one. I went through the same thing myself awhile back. Two year old son and then the wife says we should get a dog to complete the family....gee what's next the white picket fence? Anyway does my wife get a nice simply dog? A cute little cuddly thing? No she comes home with a Bullmastiff. Well the dog is now 7 months old and weighs 90lbs. The boy is two and can't sit still for longer than five minutes and I'm still cleaning up after both of them. Oh the joys of life.....I long for the throwing season....my escape. Trust me McBain things get better!! JG Edited by JGarrick |
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TRAIN HARD AND THROW FAR!
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Roland D.
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 9:02am |
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Jeremy, I know that hindsight is 20/20 - but brother, you should have gotten a German Shepherd! Hope that your day gets better, -Roland |
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Could you make that throw when it matters...as it matters in battle? Could you crush a man with that throw?
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Jeff Bryan
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 1:31pm |
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Um, dog in the house? People do that(?).
My lab stays in the kennel year round. -20F outside, about 30F in his house. My opinion only, no dogs in the house. -Bird Hunter |
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pit rat
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Joined: 12/20/04 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 453 |
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 1:32pm |
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Jeremy, don't give up on the dog until you experience the following with your dog- The butt scoot(really funny when done on the grass, not funny on carpet), dog vomiting, dog eating said vomit, fleas, bathing/shaving dog that doesn't want either, plastic bag partially out ass after finding trash bag full of yummies, 3a.m. intruder(smells racoon) warning bark/howl, stepping barefoot into 2hr. old dog landmine in dark, being woke up by dog jumping either onto or launching off of your junk. My dogs have done of this but they're still my little furry kids. No matter what I say or do they still look at me like I'm the coolest "upright" they know. Even cooler than mom. Good luck
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Bill Gordon
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McBain1975
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 2:24pm |
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Thanks for the support. To answer a few questions: * The wife runs at the gym on the treadmill. She tried running in the snow but fell on her face. I am thinking about getting her snow traction spikes for running in snowy icy weather outside as well as a nice easy to see at night dog leash to take the damn dog with her on her jaunts. * The drink was Dalmore. Straight. No ice. When that ran out it was on to the Jamesons. When it ran out it was tequila. When it ran out I knew I was going to have a bad morning. * The wife insists on keeping the dog inside. She wants a house dog. I want a house without a dog. I am losing. * I thought about the fence but it is damn hard to put one up with all this snow. However I am thinking about making a fence by piling up big walls of snow and watering them down to make them pure slick ice. Let's see that little puppy get over that kennel. With my luck though, the thing will sprout devil wings and soar over it though. I am also thinking about making a "kennel" with orange snow fencing. I will let you know how it goes. PitRat (aka Bill) - I am surprized you have dogs. I thought you yoopers just domesticated bears. I learn something new each day. |
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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big MAC
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 2:46pm |
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The more one reads this forum the more I think one gets the idea that getting married is kinda a bad idea.
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wallyworld
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Posted: 12/02/06 at 10:15pm |
Wait 'til someone starts posting about the wife getting rid of his bachelor stuff, picking a house color he hates or (Heaven forbid!) giving away all his old trophies! Had the smartest, best mannered dog that I'd actually seen in person but if you left him alone at home, he'd drag everything not tied down out to the frontroom. It wasn't long before he had me trained to take him everywhere!! The sumbitch! I told you that he was smart!!! |
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-RP-
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Joined: 9/01/04 Location: Arizona Status: Offline Points: 297 |
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Posted: 12/03/06 at 10:57am |
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Problem Solved! Move to Phoenix, Arizona. Hire me to train your new puppy. Call Brent Abbott to share Scotch! Easiest solution in the world.
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-RP-
Clan Brown "It's not bragging if you can do it." |
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Dave Carl
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 12:37am |
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McStinky,
You forgot to mention you are also the mayor of Charlevoix, MI. Hang in there brother, just make sure that dog can eventually flush rabbits. |
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DAVE'S GRIDDLE COOKIES
~THEY MAY MAKE YOU THROW FARTHER~ |
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Roland D.
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 1:14am |
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Dave, that is cruel. Flushing rabbits. I mean first you have to teach the dog how to work the toilet, and as it stands now, the dog can't even tell where to empty his bladder, much less know where the bathroom is. Jeremy, take it from me. Train the dog to go hunting with you. Things might work out better for you both. Dave, I can't believe that you're a teacher thinking of stuff like that.I really thought you were a kind and gentile person. I am having second thoughts about sharing hotel rooms with you now! Flushing rabbits. Sheesh!
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Could you make that throw when it matters...as it matters in battle? Could you crush a man with that throw?
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McBain1975
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 2:30am |
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yeah, I could teach it to go hunting. Then I could do a Dick Cheney on it.
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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SpankyMcgee
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 4:19am |
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Two words: Crate Training
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meat
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 4:44am |
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Everyone in my gym was wondering what I was laughing at! I had to share with everyone...this might now set a new record on the 'read' list. Sorry to hear about the misfortune....but damn that was funny..... Now I know why everyone laughs when I say, "Yeah, I think I am going to fly." |
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Cameron
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 5:34am |
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Jeremy, I can empathize with you. My pit bull is 13 years old and having bladder problems. He's an inside dog and pees every day in his kennel. The poor thing is now deaf and yelling at him doesn't do any good - like it ever did anyways. I have a 2 year old boy who has to be naked the moment he steps foot in the house and has found out any time he touches anything cold he pees right then. And I found out I get more discipline from yelling at my deaf dog then I do my hearing son. All this while my 5 year old daughter keeps asking "when the dog dies can we get a cat?" Which then makes the 7 year old daughter cry for hours on end because she can't stand the thought of the dog dying. Just once I want to be the Alpha Male of the house and everyone do what I say, but my wife won't let that happen. Edited by Cameron |
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sqeezemaster
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 5:45am |
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That's what you get for having a beagle. Nature's naughtiest dog. They have a knack for knowing what they're supposed to do, but doing the opposite if they think you won't catch them. |
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McBain1975
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 6:14am |
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Friday - decided to get rid of dog.
Saturday morning - 2 year old daughter cheers when she sees the dog after waking up. Says, "I love my doggy." Sunday - Wife says she is attached to dog. I watch as my daughter and the dog trade kisses while sitting on the floor. Find myself smiling at the sight. Decide to keep dog. Monday — 5:30 a.m., Got up for work. Walked downstairs to very excited dog. Stepped in pee. Cleaned it up while dog sat on my favorite chair watching me happily. While walking out door for work, noticed pile of poo. Cursed all the way to the car, but left the poo for the wife to clean up when she got out of bed. I have come to a realization that this dog was sent by God to punish me in some way for some thing I did in the past. It's a good thing my daughter has me wrapped around her finger... Tried the crate method. Damn thing howled most of the night until I got sick of it and let it out. Even tried to leave it outside on a chain, until my wife got mad because it was about 10 degrees and a blizzard (again). Cameron — thank you for keeping my pain in perspective. Once again I find myself saying, "I am having a bad day, but at least I am not Cameron." |
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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Geisler
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 6:16am |
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Beagles are the smartest animals, bar none. They KNOW what they are doing and believe, whole-hartedly that they are the alpha dog and you are there to serve them.
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Cameron
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 6:17am |
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I have come to the realization that Mcbain was sent by God to punish me in some way for something I did in the past. Edited by Cameron |
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McBain1975
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 6:19am |
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Cameron — This is true. You know what you did in Thailand.
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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MandyK
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 7:04am |
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Poor misguided Jeremy~ if you built an ice kennel the puppy would just pee a hole right through the side!! All that effort for nothing!! LoL |
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McBain1975
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 7:14am |
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You are probably right. Since the puppy is one of the ones from the hound of hell's litter, it pisses molten lava. I am just happy it has one head instead of three.
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N�l m� ag duine le daoine.
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big MAC
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Posted: 12/04/06 at 10:34am |
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Blimey, no offence I read this thread cause its kinda like a train wreck, but a funny one at that.
In other news, I was watching Waynes World, they said that marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries. |
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